What's In A Name?

I was born Deanna Stevens, and that’s what’s on my birth certificate. But as a child, since I didn’t know my biological father, my mom had me go by McConnell because that was the last name of my first step-father.

They divorced, so in high school she decided it would be best if I reclaimed “Stevens” because I’d be getting my driver’s license, and going out into the world of legal documentation.

As a young woman, I secretly “tried on” the surnames of my romantic interests, looking for a connection to something I considered magical.

Then I married, and became Deanna Joseph.

Fast forward, and I’m in my 50s. My mom confessed to me that the man she claimed had been my biological father was not actually my father. It was just wishful thinking on her part. It turns out my biological father was someone she knew for a very short time before he disappeared (along with the rest of the father figures in my life). 

So what’s in a name? For me, every name I’ve had to claim has had a sense of ungroundedness. And then to find out that the name on my birth certificate is even a lie… it was like the breaking of the last thread holding me steady.

I’ve known women who’ve changed their names to honor their journey of self-discovery. And this is something I can see myself doing, as horizons open before me.

Then I’ll know what’s in a name.