The reasons I perform depend on so many things including all my fears, my discomfort, my love, my self-acceptance. The first time I perform in a new location I either need to get there very early so that I can get grounded in the space before other folks arrive or to sit quietly in my heart and create space inside for the music.
The balancing act in performance for me is why I'm doing it. Am I claiming my skill or am I a conduit for something greater than me. Am I hoping to impress others - to prove skill or worth, get validation, soothe my ego? I do the homework - learn and practice then the rest is inside me. The best performances I've had are where I've just said, "fuck it," and land on stage, accepting the skill I bring to the day, accepting with humor, the times I screw up. Wishing well for the folks who are around me. The worst performances are full of fear, getting it wrong, judging myself.
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